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And by that, I mean, I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I started to panic about what direction my life was going, especially being ... -
For half of my life, it seems that I cared more about what others thought of me than what I thought of myself and my own happiness. I was so... -
On the 8th of April, I had my second round of Lemtrada for my Multiple Sclerosis . This involved me going into hospital for 3 days to h... -
I hate my hair. I hate the curls, I hate that it gets frizzy. I feel like my scalp is on fire every time my Mum brushes through it. ... -
I have always been quite a sick child for as long as I can remember. I would catch every cold, every flu and every tummy bug going....
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The best thing about running my blog is being able to talk about my own experiences and the things I deal with on a day to day basis. ... -
Rice water is a hair treatment that has been going on for decades, yet I've only just recently found out about it.. lol, love th... -
Oh HI, Long time no speak, been a while hasn't it? It's been almost 3 months since my last blogpost and I have a lot to ...
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My first observation showed that I had a temperature, so they stopped the infusion for half an hour. My 4th observation showed my heart rate was above normal. A normal heart rate is between 60-90bpm and mine was 142. Throughout the day, my heart rate was going up and down but nowhere near where it should be. Kerry kept telling me to be calm, relax, think happy thoughts and all of that but honestly, I felt fine. I had my Mum by my side the whole time and I wasn't worrying about anything but I know subconsciously you can worry! So I laid back in my chair and tried to relax as much as possible. Time went on and my heart rate was still going up and then down and then back up again. So I actually ended up having an ECG which came back fine apart from it showed how fast my heart was racing. I think I left the hospital that day on a heart rate of 113.
Tuesday came around and when I had my first observation, It showed that my heart rate was already at 137, so my new nurse Veronica (again, absolute babe with the kindest heart) refused to do the infusion. She rang my MS nurse who also thought it wasn't a good idea to continue, with my heart rate being so high before the steroids OR Lemtrada. At this point, we were waiting for my Neurologist to give an answer as to whether he thought we should continue. After all, he knows best. After 30 minutes or so, we got the call to say that he thinks it's fine to continue and that's what we did.
My final day of treatment was Wednesday. One final push and then it was time for recovery. I was exhausted this day and really ready for it to be over. It's really hard to describe how Lemtrada makes you feel but besides the burning itch from the hives it gives you, it makes you feel drained, tired, exhausted and sluggish. Have you ever been in a position where you've had to put poison in your body, to make your life a bit more bearable? But because of the hideous side effects, (including a brain infection which can lead to death) you've had to sign a contract to basically say "Hey, even if I die, my family can't sue you"?
When I came home, that's when I had to change my routine slightly. I follow a strict diet to make sure I don't catch listeria whilst in recovery. I can't be around small kids, babies or anyone who's sick. I also have to take anti-viral medication for 28 days. This is because Lemtrada destroys your T cells, B cells which are your lymphocytes and your white blood cells. Basically... my immune system is at 0.
Four days after coming out of hospital, I started to develop chest pains. A pain right in the middle of my chest which felt like a sharp burn, a bit like indigestion or heart burn. I took Rennie tablets, I drank Gaviscon out of the bottle and even drank cows milk (I don't usually drink it) to try and help any acid that I may of had in my tummy, causing the indigestion. None of these helped and the pain started to spread down my arms, around my back and also up my neck. I knew at this point that this wasn't indigestion. I was in so much pain that I was googling ways to help chest pain and it came up with "How to tell the difference between heart burn and a heart attack".
I knew that was a bit far fetched because c'mon.. I'm 23! I couldn't possibly be having a heart attack. But then I clicked the article anyways and my heart sank a little when it said that heart burn doesn't spread to any other places in your body but a heart attack pain can spread to your arms, your back and your neck. I was in and out of two minds, thinking of course I haven't had a heart attack but also thinking.. "Shit, maybe I have". I ended up emailing my nurse because the pain was getting too much and obviously, I had just had Lemtrada, so maybe it was something to do with that. I woke up in the morning to an email, a text message, a missed call and a voice message from my MS Nurse. The email said "I'm not sure whether the pain is on going but if it is, you need to call 999." I texted her and said that the pain had calmed down but I explained how bad it was, that it spread to other places and how I was feeling very faint and nauseous. She rang me straight away and said that a new warning had come out about Lemtrada, on Friday (3 days before this call) about it causing potential cardiac problems and that I needed to be seen by a doctor today. I rang my step-dad in hysterics and within 10 minutes, he had called me back and said "We're on our way". Less than an hour later, I was sat in isolation in the minor injuries unit at my local hospital, waiting to be seen. We were told that there was a 4 hour wait but I was seen within 20 minutes.
At this point, I had been taking Beta Blockers for about 7 days now and couldn't feel a difference. I was still dizzy whenever I stood up, I was still nauseous but unfortunately now, I couldn't walk up the stairs. It was like my legs were stuck in quick mud, I didn't have any pain with it though.. I just couldn't move. I began researching my symptoms and an Overactive Thyroid came up, that's when I knew I had it. With Lemtrada, 1 in 10 people get a thyroid problem. It is very common but I honestly thought I would never get it. I had 12 months of perfect blood results (I get checked every month) but between my last check up which was early March and when I started Lemtrada (early April), something had gone wrong. My legs had been shaking like a leaf since March 31st and I have been sweating uncontrollably since that day too. I also went to the Zoo in 8 degree weather and was dripping! I remember thinking "What the fuck is going on"?
Now I know why.
Now I know why my legs were shaking so much in hospital. Now I know why I'm sweating and losing a lot of weight. Now I know why I have tremors in my hands, legs and feet. Now I know why I'm dizzy standing up. Now I know why I've got a lump in my neck. Now I know why my heart rate reached 200bpm.
On the 29th of April 2019, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, which has caused my Overactive Thyroid - all because of Lemtrada.
I messaged my nurse on the week of the 22nd.. and told her that I know I've got an Overactive Thyroid and she got me an appointment with my neurologist the week after. However, I had to go and have my bloods done beforehand and I was told they were testing me for Graves. My blood tests came back and showed that I did in fact have Graves Disease. They also showed a possible blood clot again, just like a few weeks ago. My neurologist asked me to stick my arms out, which I did and all you could see were my hands shaking, bouncing up and down and completely out of my control. I was told I would be referred to an Endocrinologist but I am still waiting for that. I went for another blood test last Friday, to confirm whether I had a blood clot or not but I haven't had my results yet.
My current situation is exactly the same apart from my muscle weakness in my legs are a lot worse. I now have to bum shuffle (lol) up the stairs and I walk a little bit funny. So now I have two auto-immune disease, both incurable and both attack my immune system. My MS attacks my brain and spinal chord and my Grave's attacks my thyroid. Life is really tough at the moment and I feel like I'm never going to get a break. I have had 9 blood tests in the last 4 weeks and honestly... I'm tired. I won't give up though and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will never let it break me.
"So strong and I don't know how but I can't be torn down"
A BUMP IN THE ROAD..
My first observation showed that I had a temperature, so they stopped the infusion for half an hour. My 4th observation showed my heart rate was above normal. A normal heart rate is between 60-90bpm and mine was 142. Throughout the day, my heart rate was going up and down but nowhere near where it should be. Kerry kept telling me to be calm, relax, think happy thoughts and all of that but honestly, I felt fine. I had my Mum by my side the whole time and I wasn't worrying about anything but I know subconsciously you can worry! So I laid back in my chair and tried to relax as much as possible. Time went on and my heart rate was still going up and then down and then back up again. So I actually ended up having an ECG which came back fine apart from it showed how fast my heart was racing. I think I left the hospital that day on a heart rate of 113.
Tuesday came around and when I had my first observation, It showed that my heart rate was already at 137, so my new nurse Veronica (again, absolute babe with the kindest heart) refused to do the infusion. She rang my MS nurse who also thought it wasn't a good idea to continue, with my heart rate being so high before the steroids OR Lemtrada. At this point, we were waiting for my Neurologist to give an answer as to whether he thought we should continue. After all, he knows best. After 30 minutes or so, we got the call to say that he thinks it's fine to continue and that's what we did.
My final day of treatment was Wednesday. One final push and then it was time for recovery. I was exhausted this day and really ready for it to be over. It's really hard to describe how Lemtrada makes you feel but besides the burning itch from the hives it gives you, it makes you feel drained, tired, exhausted and sluggish. Have you ever been in a position where you've had to put poison in your body, to make your life a bit more bearable? But because of the hideous side effects, (including a brain infection which can lead to death) you've had to sign a contract to basically say "Hey, even if I die, my family can't sue you"?
When I came home, that's when I had to change my routine slightly. I follow a strict diet to make sure I don't catch listeria whilst in recovery. I can't be around small kids, babies or anyone who's sick. I also have to take anti-viral medication for 28 days. This is because Lemtrada destroys your T cells, B cells which are your lymphocytes and your white blood cells. Basically... my immune system is at 0.
Four days after coming out of hospital, I started to develop chest pains. A pain right in the middle of my chest which felt like a sharp burn, a bit like indigestion or heart burn. I took Rennie tablets, I drank Gaviscon out of the bottle and even drank cows milk (I don't usually drink it) to try and help any acid that I may of had in my tummy, causing the indigestion. None of these helped and the pain started to spread down my arms, around my back and also up my neck. I knew at this point that this wasn't indigestion. I was in so much pain that I was googling ways to help chest pain and it came up with "How to tell the difference between heart burn and a heart attack".
I knew that was a bit far fetched because c'mon.. I'm 23! I couldn't possibly be having a heart attack. But then I clicked the article anyways and my heart sank a little when it said that heart burn doesn't spread to any other places in your body but a heart attack pain can spread to your arms, your back and your neck. I was in and out of two minds, thinking of course I haven't had a heart attack but also thinking.. "Shit, maybe I have". I ended up emailing my nurse because the pain was getting too much and obviously, I had just had Lemtrada, so maybe it was something to do with that. I woke up in the morning to an email, a text message, a missed call and a voice message from my MS Nurse. The email said "I'm not sure whether the pain is on going but if it is, you need to call 999." I texted her and said that the pain had calmed down but I explained how bad it was, that it spread to other places and how I was feeling very faint and nauseous. She rang me straight away and said that a new warning had come out about Lemtrada, on Friday (3 days before this call) about it causing potential cardiac problems and that I needed to be seen by a doctor today. I rang my step-dad in hysterics and within 10 minutes, he had called me back and said "We're on our way". Less than an hour later, I was sat in isolation in the minor injuries unit at my local hospital, waiting to be seen. We were told that there was a 4 hour wait but I was seen within 20 minutes.
At this point, I had been taking Beta Blockers for about 7 days now and couldn't feel a difference. I was still dizzy whenever I stood up, I was still nauseous but unfortunately now, I couldn't walk up the stairs. It was like my legs were stuck in quick mud, I didn't have any pain with it though.. I just couldn't move. I began researching my symptoms and an Overactive Thyroid came up, that's when I knew I had it. With Lemtrada, 1 in 10 people get a thyroid problem. It is very common but I honestly thought I would never get it. I had 12 months of perfect blood results (I get checked every month) but between my last check up which was early March and when I started Lemtrada (early April), something had gone wrong. My legs had been shaking like a leaf since March 31st and I have been sweating uncontrollably since that day too. I also went to the Zoo in 8 degree weather and was dripping! I remember thinking "What the fuck is going on"?
Now I know why.
Now I know why my legs were shaking so much in hospital. Now I know why I'm sweating and losing a lot of weight. Now I know why I have tremors in my hands, legs and feet. Now I know why I'm dizzy standing up. Now I know why I've got a lump in my neck. Now I know why my heart rate reached 200bpm.
On the 29th of April 2019, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, which has caused my Overactive Thyroid - all because of Lemtrada.
I messaged my nurse on the week of the 22nd.. and told her that I know I've got an Overactive Thyroid and she got me an appointment with my neurologist the week after. However, I had to go and have my bloods done beforehand and I was told they were testing me for Graves. My blood tests came back and showed that I did in fact have Graves Disease. They also showed a possible blood clot again, just like a few weeks ago. My neurologist asked me to stick my arms out, which I did and all you could see were my hands shaking, bouncing up and down and completely out of my control. I was told I would be referred to an Endocrinologist but I am still waiting for that. I went for another blood test last Friday, to confirm whether I had a blood clot or not but I haven't had my results yet.
My current situation is exactly the same apart from my muscle weakness in my legs are a lot worse. I now have to bum shuffle (lol) up the stairs and I walk a little bit funny. So now I have two auto-immune disease, both incurable and both attack my immune system. My MS attacks my brain and spinal chord and my Grave's attacks my thyroid. Life is really tough at the moment and I feel like I'm never going to get a break. I have had 9 blood tests in the last 4 weeks and honestly... I'm tired. I won't give up though and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will never let it break me.
"So strong and I don't know how but I can't be torn down"
lol, love that for me.
Women in China, Japan and Southeast Asia have been using this trick for centuries to grow out their hair as long as Rapunzel's. They literally had floor length hair and rumour has it, it's because of rice water.
I don't know about you guys but.. I need me some of that.
RICE WATER FOR HAIR GROWTH (HOW TO MAKE)
lol, love that for me.
Women in China, Japan and Southeast Asia have been using this trick for centuries to grow out their hair as long as Rapunzel's. They literally had floor length hair and rumour has it, it's because of rice water.
I don't know about you guys but.. I need me some of that.
A question that I get asked religiously over on my Instagram is "What does MS feel like?" or "What kind of pain is it?" and I guess I'd probably want to know that too if I had never had it. Sometime's its really hard to describe and put it into a few words when replying back to a DM. So I've tried my best to write down all of my thoughts and my own personal experience of MS, the pain and how it's affected me.
What Does MS Feel Like?
A question that I get asked religiously over on my Instagram is "What does MS feel like?" or "What kind of pain is it?" and I guess I'd probably want to know that too if I had never had it. Sometime's its really hard to describe and put it into a few words when replying back to a DM. So I've tried my best to write down all of my thoughts and my own personal experience of MS, the pain and how it's affected me.
The New Year for me is about a fresh start and giving myself a second chance to start over and probably repeat the same mistakes I made in the previous year. Saying goodbye to the shitty friends and fuck boys of 2018 and welcoming opportunities with open arms. That doesn't mean that January isn't a pile of shite though and it's nothing to do with the fact it's still winter, it's dark and it's rainy. Christmas is over, all the decorations, glitter and tinsel have been put away for another year, January has arrived and in my opinion, it is the worst month, ever. Everyone has gone back to work, people are either moody, broke.. or both and that's including me. One half of social media is full of people talking about their New Year's resolutions and the other half is full of people moaning about people talking about their New Year's resolutions.
JANUARY, YOU ARE W*NK
The New Year for me is about a fresh start and giving myself a second chance to start over and probably repeat the same mistakes I made in the previous year. Saying goodbye to the shitty friends and fuck boys of 2018 and welcoming opportunities with open arms. That doesn't mean that January isn't a pile of shite though and it's nothing to do with the fact it's still winter, it's dark and it's rainy. Christmas is over, all the decorations, glitter and tinsel have been put away for another year, January has arrived and in my opinion, it is the worst month, ever. Everyone has gone back to work, people are either moody, broke.. or both and that's including me. One half of social media is full of people talking about their New Year's resolutions and the other half is full of people moaning about people talking about their New Year's resolutions.
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