Losing Myself & Surviving | My Break Up


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Talking about past relationships is always a touchy subject for me. One reason being, I hate talking about the past, especially about something that i've pushed so far back in my mind and two, it always brings back 100 different emotions, all at once.


For a long time, I wasn't able to speak about this one particular person because he was such a big part of my life and then suddenly he wasn't there anymore and it was difficult to come to terms with. I never spoke about it publicly because it wasn't for entertainment, this was real life, my life and something I had to go through.

The only reason i'm writing this post now, is because I am so happy with where I'm at, that I can finally share my experience with love & the trials and tribulations that comes with it. 

Like any relationship, the first six months (the honeymoon period, I like to call it) was insane. I met him so suddenly and it was like a whirlwind of emotions, I was happy, scared, excited and well.. in love. We met, went on a few dates and just like that, he was mine and I was his. Honestly, at that moment of my life, I swear I couldn't of been happier. 
To be honest, I can't really remember why the arguments started at first but I remember this one scenario that made me feel like I couldn't trust him anymore and for me, thats when the relationship really ended. Can I mention I was with him on and off for two years, the longest i've ever spent putting time and effort into someone else and in the process of trying to fix 'us' - I was evidently, losing myself. So yeah, the relationship continued although there was no trust there and if i'm honest, a little bit of resentment. We broke up, a few times actually but tried to get back on track and every time, it just didn't work. I never learned though, I would always go back to him, hoping that this time it would be different.. but it never was. Each time it felt worse and worse and I spent most of my time fighting him, crying myself to sleep at night and wanting everything to go back to the way it was but it never did.

Our relationship started to effect the relationship I had with my family, we would get in arguments, they started to dislike him, he started to dislike them which made coming home with him every weekend very hard. Everything felt tense but I wanted to hold on to him for as long as I could because I loved him and I would of done everything in my power to be with him. We finally broke up but it wasn't until early this year, that I finally ended all ties with him. The second I realised that he didn't have good intentions with me, was when I left him for good. 

It's important that I mention that i'm not writing this post to throw any shade or anything like that towards him and he wasn't the only one who did wrong. I gave as good as I got, whenever he would shout at me, I would shout at him back (probably louder) and vice versa. Nothing was ever physical, I know with all my heart that he would never raise his hands towards me. He's not a bad guy, we just wasn't good together. Which leads me to the break up..

What even is a 'good' break up? Do they exist? because i'm yet to have one lol. Break ups are always very hard for anyone and that sick feeling you get in your stomach when a chapter of your life is about to end, is something I don't ever really want to feel again. For weeks after, I felt so empty and so numb that I just didn't want to communicate with anyone but this wasn't my first 'heartbreak' so I dealt with this better than I thought I was going to. To make myself feel better, I got rid of everything that ever reminded me of him, all the cards, gifts, clothes, text messages and pictures, I got rid of them all. This was something I HAD to do, to finally let him go and move on with my life.

I also started going out more with my friends, me and my girls would go on little dates and nights out, having a good support system behind you really helps to get over someone. (So thank you girls, for helping me from under my rock and making me feel better). Going out allows you to meet new people and see that there really is a whole world out there, not just that one person who you lived in a bubble with for so long. I'm not the first and I won't be the last and anyone who's felt heartbreak, knows exactly how hard it can be. When I would cry or randomly burst into tears at the thought of a memory or when a certain song came on, I remember thinking "What are you doing to yourself?" - I couldn't believe I was letting this one person control my emotions when he wasn't even in my life anymore. I genuinely thought that I wasn't going to ever get over him and my life was going to be stuck this way forever but that wasn't the case, it never is the case. Its true what they say, time is the best healer and boy oh boy, did it heal me!

 Don't beat yourself up over saying goodbye. Everyone deals with breaks up differently, whether that be to cry, get angry or isolate themselves. Do what you have to do to help yourself get over it and then let it go. Cry as much as you need to but know when enough is enough. Theres no right or wrong way of dealing with a break up but don't let yourself fall off track for no one. Try to keep yourself occupied, thats what I did. I stopped looking for answers that could never be found and focused on myself, for myself. I have a better understanding of who I am as a person and what I'm looking for in a person as well. I guess break ups aren't all that bad when you recover in a way that transforms you into something brand new

That brings me to now. Here I am, two years on, single and never been happier. What I thought was the worst thing that could happen to me, turned out to be the best. Although I don't think we will ever speak again because I don't see a reason for us to, I am happy for the time we spent together. Now I feel like i'm the best version of me because I've had time to be alone and find myself again. "After all of the darkness and sadness, soon comes happiness. If I surround myself with positive things, I'll gain prosperity" 

It's the best feeling knowing that you're standing strong by yourself, when you thought you never could.
I'm not bitter anymore, I'm thankful I went through the heart break because I found the courage to build myself back up again.
And if you're going through something similar, I hope you do too.

If you like this post, please check out:
10 quotes to make you proud of being female and Its okay to go against the grain

Love, always..
Charleigh
xo 



















8 comments

  1. I love this. You go girl! So honest and true. Upwards and onwards xx

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    1. Thanks so much lovely :) Definitely onwards and upwards. xx

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  2. I love this and thanks for sharing ... I went through the same thing with my last partner . Was together for 4 years then on and off for another two . It's only when you realised when it's over like you said that you do realise your worth and having a good support system always helps too. Stay true hun and keep smiling xx :)

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    1. Exactly. I hope you had a good support system to pull you through it too.

      Thanks so much =] x

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  3. Love this post! So happy for you Charleigh! <3

    http://victorialouisekblogs.blogspot.co.uk/

    Victoria

    X

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  4. Thank you Victoria :-) Just checked out your blog, love it. x

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  5. Amazing read. It's very motivational and inspiring that after what you went through you managed on your own to let go (since it's the one of the most hardest thing to do) and focused on self-growth. Thank you for sharing.

    http://dolvella.com

    ReplyDelete

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