October 12th.


I have always been quite a sick child for as long as I can remember. I would catch every cold, every flu and every tummy bug going. My immune system is slim to none and that carried on throughout my teenage years. For the past year and a half something just hasn’t been right, I started getting pains in my head and dizziness. I was told by my GP that I was having an allergic reaction to my pill and to come off of it immediately. Six months later.. there was no change, except the headaches were getting worse. A week before I flew to Greece this summer, I lost central vision in my left eye and I couldn’t see a thing. I went to the opticians and was sent to hospital that very next morning for further tests. That’s where I was told I had Optical Neuritis. Good news, no swelling behind my eye (from what the eye doctors could see) so I was told I could fly and enjoy my holiday. I had an MRI scan booked for when I got back, just to double check everything and rule out any other complications, I didn't think much of it. As time's gone on, my migraines have got worse, I’ve been getting sicker and I’ve had pins and needles in my hands and feet. Whenever I move my neck in a certain position, a tingly shock shoots down my back. I was on medication for my Migraines at this point too but they weren’t working, so I was weaning off of them. I put the pins and needles down to the side effects of my meds. 

Thursday the 12th of October, I went to the hospital for my results. My MRI scan lit up, showed white, inflamed lumps on my brain and I was diagnosed with Multiple Scheloris. My whole world stopped spinning for a few seconds. I cried.. and I cried and I cried, my Mum held me and cried with me. My first thought was “Am I going to die?” (because I knew nothing about it) and the second one was “How have I, at 22 been diagnosed with a disease that is incurable and that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life?” I still haven’t come to terms with it, I still don’t know much about it but the answer is, no, I’m not going to die, MS isn’t terminal but there is no cure for it. 

At last, I have some answers. This would explain why sometimes I can’t lift my head off the pillow and get out of bed, why sometimes I’m unstable on my feet and stumble over, why sometimes I feel electric shocks through my body and pins and needles on my limbs and why sometimes I have to cancel all my plans to just stay in bed (sorry friends!!) These are all reminders that I am sick and I need to slow down and take care of myself but I’m glad I’ve finally got a diagnosis and I’m not going crazy. Right now, I’m having a relapse which is why I’ve been so, so poorly but this won't be the case all the time. I will be in and out of remission but right now, I'm relapsing and it's shittttttt.

I have always been a morning person, I am always up before 8am without fail. I even wrote a blog post on how to be a morning person but as of lately, I’ve been sleeping in until gone 10:30am and although that might not seem late to some of you, it is very, very unlike me. Even with me going to bed at 10pm the night before. Now I know it’s because of my MS and the fatigue that comes along with it. 

Also, I would like to mention that although I thought I was going to get answers regarding my migraines from the MRI, I got the complete opposite. MS isn’t causing my migraines and my migraines aren’t causing my MS. The nurse told me that I’m just extremely unlucky in the fact that I’ve now got not only one condition.. but two. I am on new medication for my headache's (which sometimes last for 4 days at a time and there's not much else I can do, other than sleep) and I will be on seperate medication for my Multiple Sclerosis. 

As of right now, I don't know what type of MS I have, I can kind of already guess but I don't know for sure. Our conversation didn't get that far because to be honest, I was a bit of a wreck and so was my mum. The nurse said its been a shock and it's going to take time to process and I completely agreed. I don't know when I'll be able to tell someone without bursting into tears, maybe i'll just direct them to this post instead, lol.

I have got the best support system around me, which are my family & friends who have been a tower of strength these last few days. Can't express or even tell you how much I love and adore them, with all my heart. The next step for me is my next hospital appointment, where I see my specialist and we go through treatments and what treatment I would like to have. Then we will go from there.

This is a disease that has no cure but it’s also an illness that doesn’t define me. I am strong & I am powerful and I’m gonna do everything to make sure I live the best life that I can. 

I may have MS but MS doesn’t have me. 

Charleigh

xo

16 comments

  1. Bless you sweety.. sending you love and strength. X

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  2. Nic Chapman's MS video was really insightful!

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  3. Sending you so much love darling & massive hugs ❤️ It goes without saying I'm always here darling anytime at all. I don't have MS but I have a couple of incurable conditions & I know what a bastard it is. Sending you huge hugs, lots of positive vibes & all my love 😘❤️ Zoë xxxx

    www.mammafulzo.com

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    1. Thank you so much Zoe. I know you are always there, without fail! lots of love to you, hope you and your health are doing okay. xoxox

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  4. Bless you and thank you for sharing your experience with the world. Send you lots of love!

    Char xo || www.memoirsmusings.com

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  5. I was diasgnosed this year age 23 with Fibromyalgia. Chronic pain and exhaustion like nothing I've ever known. Like yours incurable. Over 100 symptoms. I also have mental illnesses and PCOS causing infertility. I felt like life was over. Conditions like mine & yours can be lonely, unbearable & life limiting but all that doesn't define who we are as people. You will learn to 'cope' and life will continue. Don't let it ever break your dreams and spirits. You have amazing support and that makes it 100% easier.

    We have an illness but we are not an illness.
    If you need a talk or a friend please contact me ❤
    Findingfibro.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Bethany! Thank you so much for taking time to comment and sharing your story with me. I'm super happy I've got others that I can talk to about this because I am devastated and still in complete shock!

      Your kind words and reassurance has made me feel a lot better so thank you xxx

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  6. It's really brave of you to share your story and I'm glad you did, there a lot of young people who could stand to hear that they're not alone.

    And you're dang right MS doesn't have you!

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  7. So brave of you to share your journey, can only imagine how you feel. Sending you lots of love and positivity, keep smiling and staying positive and I hope the migraines get better - x

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  8. I have finally sat down to read this. Girl, you're so brace for putting this into words. I can't imagine what you must have felt hearing that news. You're so right, that it doesn't define you and you seem like one tough cookie. Glad you have the support system in place to help you through xxxx

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  9. My husband felt the exact same way when he was told he had after a few nights stay in hospital because at first the doctors just didn’t know what was wrong with him and it was very severe at first. He was 29 and we had only been married for 2 years, he asked the exact same question as you when the doctors told him. Thankfully the medication has majorly calmed down the symptoms. You are not alone and you are a strong beautiful woman.

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