A Hair, Fashion & Lifestyle Blog - By Charleigh Victory

Monday, 9 July 2018

WHY I'M NOT HOLDING BACK ANYMORE

For half of my life, it seems that I cared more about what others thought of me than what I thought of myself and my own happiness. I was so wrapped up in this bubble of ~must do what’s best for others~ rather than what’s best for me, that I completely lost sight of who I really was.

I’ve always been so scared to step out and say “Hey, do you know what? This is me and it’s staying that way.” Out of fear of rejection and not being loved for me. 

But that stops here. 

Let me tell you a little background story..

I was in a relationship with someone that never really knew who I was. His personality alone overpowered our relationship that I would put up this front of ~I’m a really tough bitch and nothing you say can hurt me~ attitude, when really as the time went on, I was falling apart. He always knew the girl that had a lot of anger towards men in general (daddy issues I guess) but he never got to see or witness the real me. The confident, bubbly and brave Charleigh because she was too stuck on hiding behind an image to protect herself, rather than baring it all. I probably shouldn’t of dated anyone back then if I’m honest, I so wasn’t ready to give myself to anyone when I didn’t even know who I was or where I belonged. I hid myself away for a very long time, especially after the break up.

I had to remember that before I was his girlfriend, I was Charleigh..


Outfit Details: 
Jumpsuit // Simply Be 
Bag // ASOS(sold out)
Converse // Office*
Denim Jacket // ASOS*
Earrings // River Island (sold out) but similar here*


But this is the part where I shout from the roof tops,

I AM BRAVE, I AM BRUISED, I AM WHO I’M MEANT TO BE, THIS IS ME

Because I am so not that girl anymore. 

I’m trying out this new thing where I say yes more often, even if my nerves make me want to run away, hide and throw up everywhere. You know the saying “If you kill the butterflies in your stomach, you’ll kill the dream.” I am so used to letting my nerves hold me back from what I truly want to do, that I miss out on some amazing opportunities and honestly, I’m tired of it. I’ve worked so hard with learning to love myself, respect myself, know my worth etc, that it would be a damn shame to not want to show that off.

Each day, I try to make small but beneficial changes to push myself and build my confidence. For example, instead of ignoring an email inviting me to an event, I will actively check my calendar & then reply yes or no, depending on whether I can actually attend. There's been a number of occasions when I've replied "Sorry, I'm not available that day" when I've got absolutely nothing in the calendar, I can in fact attend, I really WANT to attend but I'm a bit of a pussy, lol.

Then, I think..

Do you know what? Sod it.

"They obviously want to invite me for a reason, they obviously enjoy my content, otherwise they would of just invited somebody else."

And that is so true. I also need to remember how extremely lucky I am to be on the PR list's of some of these brands and to even be invited.

Another thing I want to tackle is uploading videos. If you didn't know, I started out on Youtube when I was 14 and although I loved it at the time, the second my channel got 'big', I got to know all the negative parts of 'putting yourself out there' and it just wasn't for me anymore. It frightened me knowing so many people were watching me, judging me.. and at the time, I wasn't ready nor was I prepared for that.

That doesn't mean I don't miss it a lot though. I really do. I have so much fun creating short Instagram travel videos and I want to create a lot more, about different types of things. I also really enjoy watching people's Instagram stories, I feel like I get to see more of their personality, behind the photos and I would love for people to be able to say the same thing about me.


Luckily for me, I have really supportive, encouraging and loving friends who push me in every and any direction that I want to go in. They remind me of my talents and they remind me of the person that I am today and I am so lucky and grateful to have these absolute gems around me. Because of them and their words, I am slowly but surely recognising my own abilities and my own self worth.

Basically, to some this post up..

I'm not going to hold back anymore, I'm going to say YES more often and I just think I need to start grabbing life by the balls and have fun while I'm at it.

I encourage you to do the same.













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